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Worthy

February 19, 2015

 

Worthy: if you don’t know your worth you are allowing someone else to determine it.

it wasn’t that I liked sitting at the back of the room
or that I was so scared and nervous
that I came across as rude
it wasn’t that I didn’t want the conversation
or allow myself to be heard
it wasn’t that I seemed aloof
or even arrogant because I could not
speak a word… I could only hear
it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be included
or that I froze up because people were near
it wasn’t that I didn’t want to
scream and say look at me I’m here
it was just…

I believed I didn’t matter

I believed… that you couldn’t see me anyways or want to reach out and touch me and to just say it’s all okay
it was just…

so much for me to handle, to cope with everyday, but oh I wanted more
I wanted to be that woman who could dance across the floor
who could tell the world my inner feelings, to tell you…
yes tell you about my day and everything I could do
it was just me believing
that I didn’t matter
and that when I sat in a crowded room or even a room with two or three
that you looked beyond my shoulder for someone…
who was more important, someone who just wasn’t me
and when it did become my chance to say look at me…
I have been broken but yet I’m still okay
and then I quivered as you listened and my hands shook in greater fear
and my voice spoke in a whisper barely loud enough for you to hear
and as I spoke you listened
my whisper became loud and clear, and you allowed me growth and courage
which had become my biggest fear
it was then I finally realized this was truly just about me
allowing this person to define my very essence
it had become my journey… that to me was finally clear
believing I didn’t matter and that no one would really care
just because
one person stole from me

it was only to him I didn’t matter
it was only to him… he just didn’t care
to have him influence my entire lifetime…
really to everyone it just was not fair…

So I had allowed another to determine my worth… all because I couldn’t see clear.

It had made me so dysfunctional, living my own fear.

We want you to see, to understand your WORTH is not determined by anyone.  And you are so very worthy, to be heard, to matter. We need to understand how the fear of peoples judgement, the fear of not mattering can paralyze us.  We need to reach out to each other, we need to build each other up, to listen, and to show others that they really do matter and that we understand.

 

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